Teen dating violence is any physical, sexual, psychological or emotional abuse in a dating relationship between teenagers or young adults.

• 1 in 10 teens say a boyfriend or girlfriend intentionally hit or physically harmed them at least one time in the past year.
• Among high school students who dated, 21% of females and 10% of males experienced physical and/ or sexual dating violence.
• Nearly half of teens who are in relationships say they know friends who were verbally abused.
• Violent behavior often begins between 6th and 12th grade.
• (72% of 13 and 14-year-olds consider themselves “dating.”)
• Adults need to talk to teens early and often about the importance of developing healthy, respectful relationships.

Signs to be Aware Of

We focus a lot on how to get out of violent relationships but very little on how NOT TO GET IN one.

Before the violence starts look for alarming behavior.

• Controlling behavior/Extreme jealousy or insecurity
  • Checking cell phones, emails or social networks without permission
  • Isolation from family and friends
  • Possessiveness
  • Telling someone what to wear and who they can hang out with
  • Telling someone what to do
• Anger and outbursts
  • Constant mood swings towards you
  • Explosive temper
• Psychological manipulation
  • Constant belittling or put-downs
  • Making false accusations
  • Pressure to have sex
  • Name calling
  • Shaming
  • Bullying
  • Embarrassing on purpose
• Stalking
• Physical violence
  • Physically inflicting pain or hurt in any way

What adults can do

• Teach teens about relationship safety—love does not conquer all
• Keep the lines of communication open. Let your teens know that this is a “safe topic”—no judgement or punishment for coming to you
• Be a village for the teen and their friends
• Watch out for RED FLAGS (from http://kaitysway.org/parentsadults-page/)
  • Change in demeanor
  • Agitated, anxious, crying often, hysterical
  • Seem depressed or sad
  • Avoids eye contact
• Signs of jealousy or possessiveness?
  • Wants to be with your teen a lot
  • Doesn’t like it when your teen spends time with a anyone else
  • Wants to know where they are, who they are with, what they are doing, when they will be done, etc
• Teen stops participating in extracurricular activities?
• Stopped doing what they enjoy
• Friends no longer coming around?
• Spend less and less time with family?
• Partner texts often?
• Changed their appearance/behavior?
  • unexplained bruising/injury to your teen or personal property missing or damaged?
  • dating partner give them a cell phone?
  • grades in school dropped?

What a Healthy Relationship Looks Like (from http://kaitysway.org/kaitys-korner/)

Patience—take your time: to get to know yourself and someone else, to get in a relationship or make commitments

Empathy—try to understand the other person’s feelings and see things from their point of view

Acceptance—appreciate your individuality and that every person has valuable gifts to share

Caring—treat yourself and others with kindness and respect

Equality—The interests, ideas and opinions of both people in a relationship are equally valid

Resources

• Kaity’s Way http://kaitysway.org
• Arizona Coalition to End Domestic Violence http://www.acesdv.org/
• The Southwest Indigenous Women’s Coalition (SWIWC)  http://www.swiwc.org/