Talking to Kids about Violence

Minimize/Manage Exposure if you Can

• Minimize tv/radio/internet news time.
• Kids don’t need to know every gory detail of every tragedy. And neither do you.
• Children’s interest/concern will differ by age group and by personality type.

Be Available

• Look for signs of curiosity (hovering, asking indirect questions).
• Take advantage of opportunities to engage (in the car, while doing chores etc. )

Engage in the Conversation

• Get clear about your own emotions and put your fears in perspective.
• Invite questions so you can directly address their concerns.
• Ask open ended questions to make sure you know what is known or understood.
• Younger kids are prone to misunderstanding idioms or jargon so when explaining use simple language.
• You don’t have to have all the answers, I/we don’t know is a good answer sometimes.

Maintain a Sense of Safety and Optimism

• Reassure but avoid extreme language (100% guarantee…, I promise…, nothing ever will…).
• Maintain routines.
• Use music, dance, art, physical activity to lighten the mood.
• In the overall scheme school/mass shootings are rare.
• The vast majority of the time, schools is a very safe place.
• Most people are good and kind.
• Encourage your child to engage with friends and family.
• Encourage empathy.

Be Patient

• Let your child be your guide to how much information to give.
• Healing/understanding takes time (can be months to years).

Some Warning Signs a Child Needs Help:

• Significant drop off in school performance (grades or participation).
• Withdrawing, not wanting to go places or to school.
• Sleeplessness and nightmares.
• Frequent stomachaches and other physical complaints.
• Worrying about getting hurt no matter where they go.
• Being critical of others (siblings, students teachers and parents).
• Isolating her/himself from others.
• Frequent crying.
• Obsessive thoughts/behaviors/rituals.
• Signs of mood disorder (Change in sleep/appetite, loss of interest in activities, depressed or agitated mood etc).

Get Help if You’re Worried

• Pediatrician
• Teacher/school counselor
• Support group
• Mental health professional